“Atopic dermatitis can often affect self-image and confidence, to the point where you might feel uncomfortable talking about it with others,” says Jessica Hui, MD, an allergist and immunologist at National Jewish Health in Denver. “So, starting a relationship or being in the early stages of a relationship can be difficult because you may not know how a partner will react.”
That’s why having a plan can be helpful, she adds. Thinking about what you’ll say in advance, and even doing some practice, can be useful for connecting with a partner about your condition and getting the support and encouragement you need.
Here are five tips.
1. Keep the Initial Discussion Simple
If you suspect your partner hasn’t heard about eczema before, laying out some general facts first tends to work best, says Dr. Hui.
“Talk about the basics of what eczema is, and emphasize that they can’t ‘catch’ it from you,” she suggests. “You don’t want to overload someone with information, but it’s important to raise the issue early on. The longer you wait to mention it, the harder it will probably be.”
2. Do a Trial Run With Friends and Family
Difficult conversations tend to be easier if you have time to plan what you’re going to say, says Hui. Because of that, she suggests practicing with friends and family first, who already know about the condition.
This might feel stilted or embarrassing, she says, but it can help you refine what you’ll talk about and also figure out key points, such as what happens during flares, how those affect you, and whether they may affect intimacy.
3. Talk About Eczema’s Emotional Toll
“There can be various mental health impacts on intimacy with this type of condition,” explains Lisa Valle, DO, an ob-gyn and medical director at Oasis Women’s Sexual Function Center in Santa Monica, California. “If there’s a flare in symptoms, it can contribute to anxiety and distress. You might also have body image issues that affect self-confidence, and all of this can affect your connection with your partner.”
Talking about your feelings can be awkward for many people, but it’s key to intimacy, both physical and emotional, Dr. Valle says.
4. Ask Questions and Be Open to Answers
Because of that, consider pausing when you’re talking to see whether your partner has any comments or questions about what you’ve said so far. Be ready to steer the conversation in a different direction if that’s where it needs to go.
Effective listening in this way can reduce defensiveness and bridge divides even when there’s disagreement. It makes conversations more constructive, and that generates feelings of well-being and closeness.
Also keep in mind that even if there aren’t questions initially, those might come later, says Hui. Your partner may research the topic, for example, and come up with well-informed questions for your next conversation.
“Keeping the lines of communication open is very important, and you should both be comfortable sharing how you feel,” she says.
5. Consider What You Need
In addition to discussing the condition and how it affects your everyday life, it’s also helpful to communicate the kind of support you need, suggests Valle. For example, you might want more alone time during a flare, or you may not want any. Perhaps you’d appreciate it if your partner came to appointments with your healthcare provider. Or you may want more physical affection because that makes you feel more appreciated.
“Expressing your needs, whatever those might be, is a form of intimacy that’s very important for any relationship,” Valle says.
Talking about your eczema with a partner may not be easy, especially if you’re feeling nervous or self-conscious, but planning what you’ll say and listening to your partner’s questions can go a long way toward building a stronger connection.
The Takeaway
- When you have eczema, you might feel nervous about how to talk about the condition with a romantic partner.
- Planning what to say in advance, keeping initial info simple, and practicing with friends and family can be good first steps.
- As conversations on the topic evolve, it’s useful to practice active listening and communicate what you need to feel supported.