Tips for Sex and Partner Conversations

Posted by AweSamo March 4, 2026
How to Tell Your Partner You Have Genital Herpes

Educate Yourself About Genital Herpes

Symptoms of genital herpes include:

  • Painful blisters or sores in the genital region that can cause itching, burning, and irritation
  • Flu-like symptoms, including fever, chills, body aches, and fatigue
  • Painful urination
  • Swollen lymph nodes
Symptoms are typically the worst during the first outbreak and can last up to four weeks. Recurrent outbreaks can happen at any time following the first, but are typically less severe and don’t last as long.

Herpes is almost never a life-threatening disease, and it has few long-term health effects for most healthy adults. For this reason, says Henderson, most people can come to view living with it as an inconvenience.

But herpes can cause complications for people with a weakened immune system and, while rare, it can be transmitted to newborns and cause significant symptoms across their whole body, which can be fatal. It’s important to understand your diagnosis so you can communicate risks to potential sexual partners effectively.

Here are tips to help you manage all the thoughts and feelings that a herpes diagnosis can bring.

Learn the Facts Before Discussing Herpes With a Partner

A herpes diagnosis can feel overwhelming. “Herpes has a tremendous psychological overlay,” Dr. Handsfield says, “but knowledge about the disease can reduce that.”

Websites like the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Planned Parenthood, and the American Sexual Health Association are all great places to learn the basics of genital herpes.

“Really educate yourself as much as you can so you can help your partner or potential partner to understand,” Henderson says. “Knowledge is power, and it supports your emotional power.”

Seek Medical Guidance

To get your facts straight, speak with your doctor. “You can do internet research for general background information,” Henderson says, “but talking with a medical professional can make a world of difference. A doctor can tell you what is going on with you specifically, and also be empathetic.”

If you don’t have your own physician, visit a Planned Parenthood Center or a community health center. You can find low-cost or free healthcare at these centers, depending on your income.

Tailor Your Approach to Your Specific Situation

Genital herpes can be transmitted through vaginal, anal, or oral sex with a partner who has the infection.

The kinds of steps you will need to take to protect your own health and the health of your sex partners will vary with your lifestyle, habits, and circumstances. A sexually active person with many partners may need to take different steps than a person in a long-term, monogamous relationship.

For the best protection against transmitting the virus to another person, you would have to do three things, notes Handsfield.

  • First, avoid sex during outbreaks.
  • Second, use condoms.
  • Third, continuously take daily antiviral drugs, such as acyclovir, valacyclovir, or famciclovir, long-term under the supervision of your doctor.

Some committed couples choose one but not necessarily all of the above strategies, Handsfield says. “Many couples go through a relationship for years; the risk of transmission is never zero, but it can be minimized,” he says.

Additionally, people who have had the virus for a longer time are generally less contagious than those who were recently infected.

But it’s important to be mindful that the state of your partner’s health can affect their level of risk for getting genital herpes from you, says I. Cori Baill, MD, an obstetrician-gynecologist and an associate professor at the University of Central Florida College of Medicine in Orlando, Florida. “Some people are on biologics [medications] for rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis, or psoriasis,” she says. Because these medications suppress the immune system, if people taking them have a partner with active herpes, they are more likely to be susceptible to getting the infection than a healthy person who is not taking those drugs.

In these instances, it’s best to practice the steps listed above like avoiding sex during outbreaks, using condoms regularly, and talking to your doctor about long-term antiviral therapy to prevent the spread of genital herpes to your partner.

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